THE NEUROTIC PARENT™

Last-minute Application Hysteria - Which Vacation to Ruin

LAST MINUTE APPLICATION HYSTERIA: WHICH VACATION TO RUIN

If your high school student applied Early Decision to a beloved college or a strategically-chosen likely, November 1st or November 15th were days of celebration.  By those dates a version of the Common App had to be completed, ending procrastination and endless essay revisions.

Now that November has come and gone, what sort of psychology should early applicants employ for completing their remaining 17 applications?  Some students, encouraged by independent counselors (who get paid by the hour), feel compelled to finish all 33 supplements before early results come out in mid-December.  They believe that if deferred or rejected, they will be too depressed to devote proper attention to their remaining RD (Regular Decision) apps. Students in this catagory end up with Application Insurance of sorts, but face the risk of having to write dozens of essays for naught. And they lose out on a relaxing, restorative Thanksgiving, their last one at home as a high school student.

Others who apply early believe that they should not spend one moment on any essay or application that they might not need to complete if they get accepted to their early schools.  These gamblers have even said that it is bad karma to even ponder "Why Johns Hopkins" when they have applied early to Northwestern.  Students in this catagory live dangerously, turning the application process into a true nailbiter, and often end up destroying their family's last ski trip, as they desperately work on apps until the moment the ball falls in Times Square.  

With this conundrum in mind, the Neurotic Parent Institute proposes a new anti-festival: Winter Hellday.  Falling on December 16th, prior to Christmas, Kwanzaa, the Equinox and often before Chanukah, this is a 24-hour period during which rejected and deferred early applicants must stay up all night with their bleary-eyed parents as support teams.  At the stroke of midnight on December 17th, all RD apps must be completed and turned in.  By embracing this new holiday, applicants and their families can spend the rest of their winter vacation worrying, rather than writing.

 

Thanksgiving Message to High School Seniors and their Parents

If your greatest source of stress is that darn college admissions process, be thankful.

Choosing a Low-paying Career at the Age of 17

When students compile their college lists, they are most often influenced by weather, sports teams (or lack thereof) and access to concerts/raves.  However some high school kids actually know what they want to study and seek schools that offer majors in their areas of interest.  A few practical kids go for Petroleum Engineering, a career with a whopping starting salary of up to $155k, but one that requires coursework like Chemical Methods for Subsurface Characterization, and Advanced Reservoir Fluid Analysis.  

It come as no surprise that those who choose the majors which are the most altruistic, most interesting and most important to society will never be able to support themselves.  

According to payscale.com, here are the worst-paying college degrees along with median starting and mid-career pay:  

1. Child & family studies $29,600 $40,500
2. Elementary education $32,400 $44,000
3. Social work $32,200 $44,300
4. Culinary arts $29,900 $46,800
5. Special education $34,300 $47,800
6. Recreation & Leisure $34,500 $49,100
7. Religious studies $32,900 $49,700
8. Athletic training $34,600 $50,200
9. Public health $35,500 $51,700
10. Theology $35,600 $52,000
11. Art $35,300 $52,400
12. Art history $38,300 $53,300
13. Paralegal/Law $35,300 $53,500
14. Animal science $33,800 $53,700
15. Multimedia/Web design $40,400 $53,900

Sadly, we don't know if we can trust payscale.com.  (One can only imagine how much they pay their researchers.)  In fact, we know a Public Health official who has three homes and a collection of pre-Columbian artifacts, a chef with a private plane, as wells as a web designer who charges $15k per website and is too busy to answer emails.  And we have never met a single Petroleum Engineer whilst on the gondola in Aspen.

Many students think they can increase their admissions chances if they indicate a preference for an unpopular major.  But many of the above starvation-level majors are hugely sought after.  The Neurotic Parent's best advice is to worry about one thing at a time. Having said that, if you can't stop yourself from prematurely obsessing about your student's mid-career salary, make sure his or her list includes Texas A&M, Colorado School of Mines and the University of Tulsa, all top institutions for petroleum engineers.

Our New Look/Instant Decision

The paperback edition of this blog, Neurotic Parent's Guide to College Admissions, is now a reality, so I have redesigned my blog to match the upcoming book. 

Please remember that my kids are both FULL PAY, so be kind and preorder on Amazon, while you enjoy the new graphics.  (Thanks, Kate.)

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Texts were flying excitedly yesterday when two of GC's friends found out they were accepted to Bard, the school that gets the Neurotic Parent award for the coolest admissions policy.  Here's the deal: You read Plato and Galileo, go to campus, discuss what you've read in class, and on the very next business day you find out if you've been admitted or deferred to one of the hippest schools in the nation.

Not only that, if you choose, they will refrain from looking at your standardized tests. 

And, best of all, once you're in, you can join one of these clubs:

• (gluten-free/vegan) baking club
• Active Minds
• Bard Anime Escape!
• Bard Belly Dance Collective
• Bard Bombshells
• Bard Contra Dance
  
• Bard Freestyle Cypher
• Bard Guqin Society
• Bard Lawn Sports
• Bard Lumberjacks
• Bard Olympic Lifting Club
• Bard Paintball Club
• Bard Yarn Appreciation Society
• Beekeeping at Bard
• Biodiesel Cooperative
• Bloated Goat
• Boffing Club
• Bollywood Dance Club

Doctor Who Club Glass Blowing Collective Go Club Greek Dance Club Hands and Knees Collective Monkeys Moola Poi Joy: Poi Spinning and Fire Dancing Club Robots for Human Rights Sacred Harp Singing SMOG Socially Responsible Investment Committee Sound Crew Squeegee Collective Students for a Free Tibet Surrealist Training Circus The Mental Academy The Pin-Up Appreciation Society Tsuuuuupa Hoop Vinyl Preservation Society

Clearly, figuring out what these clubs are is more challenging than preparing intelligent comments about Plato.  The Neurotic Parent is offering a free book (publication date, March 1st) to the first Bard student who comes forward and explains Contra Dance, Squeegee Collective and Bloated Goat. I did, however, look up Guqin, and it is, of course, zither related.

 

 

 

Tales From an East Coast College Tour

Just received this report from a reader:

Setting: Columbia University Info Session

 

Chipper Admissions Dean:  What makes a school an Ivy League school? What do we all have in common?

 Eager Student:  I know.  I know.  None of you give out any merit scholarships.

 Chipper Admissions Dean (clearing throat): All of our admitted students have merit; therefore we only give out money based on financial need. The correct answer is football.

 

 

Hyper Skypers

Much has changed in the three short years between our two college-application journeys. One of the newest trends: interviews by Skype.  Great schools such as Wake Forest, Penn, Pitzer and Bard now offer applicants the chance to dress nicely from the waist up and have a chat with an alum or admissions official via a Macbook Air.

Parents of Skypers on College Confidential suggest conducting the interview in front of a "neutral, uncluttered background," but one girl we knew took the opportunity to the next level by prepping her room. She removed her Marilyn Manson poster, strategically placed her bassoon and mandolin on a shelf behind her and stacked such works as The Portable Nietzsche and Absalom, Absalom! on her desk.

Sure enough, the admissions rep asked about the instruments, and, before they ended their call, the girl had a chance to impress her Skype-mate with a few bars from Stravinsky's Rite of Spring.

This trend has inspired the Neurotic Parent Institute to offer a new service: Skype Staging, which will include wardrobe consultation and bong removal. For desperate applicants we will offer the upgraded Gold Package, featuring tips from a hair stylist, lighting director and sound guy. We will also provide the expertise of an IT expert, who will coach nervous interviewees in how to cause glitches and temporary breakdowns, such as freezing their screens, cutting off their callers, and even creating power outages when asked difficult questions.

ED Deadline Quote of the Day

From a reader by voicemail:

"Oh boy, what a day.  We...she....couldn't make up her mind, so she went with Penn.  And Cornell.  And Yale.  They're all a reach, but I hope they don't find out.  I hope they don't have a way of finding out.  Well, at least it's over.  Talk to you later."