THE NEUROTIC PARENT™

Misery loves....Facebook

GC is not letting me reveal the details of his transition.  So for now, I will share a status post from a recent parent of a new college student:

Here is the crazy thing about being a parent- you work and plan to prepare your child for college. 13 years with singular focus. Pushing to provide them with a great education. Then the day comes to realize your parental dream and all you want to do bring them back home.

And, here's one from a student:

COLLEGE IS HYPE!

New Trend: Helicopter Kids

Turns out that helicoptering is not as detrimental to the college process as we thought. According to the (very dynamic) dean of admissions at GC's university, the new freshman class includes a child soloist at the Metropolitan Opera, a golden glove boxing champ, a community activist responsible for the clean up of a toxic waste site, a creator of 3D sidewalk art, a unicyclist, a model/Alzheimers advocate and the survivor of grizzly bear attack. The kicker: A teen helicopter pilot. After all the over-hovering by the parents of this generation, how refreshing it is to see a kid at the rudder.

Changes

Survived freshman move-in.

Parenthood as we knew it is officially over: Time to grow old.

But, empty nesters be forewarned: laundry duties never end. As we wait for CJ, our senior, to arrive from his internship, we're helping his roommates set up their new house. And surprise, surprise...CJ's belongings were not washed before going into storage, or probably not for several months before that.

So it's off to an industrial strength fluff ''n fold, and then on a search for a decent dresser in a Town Without an Ikea.

Where to Apply in 2012 - Schools that feel guilty about lying

Here are two great bets for 2012, especially if you can figure out a way to pad your SAT score:

Emory, funded by the super-ethical Coca Cola company responsible for rotting teeth all over the planet, has announced that it has been lying about its enrolled students' SAT scores for the last 12 years.  Reported the scores of admitted students instead, the ones who turned them down.

http://www.ajc.com/news/dekalb/emory-university-misrepresented-student-1501300.html

One poster on College Confidential says, "I'll never buy Emory boards again."

And then there's Claremont-McKenna, which only lied for seven years.  

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/31/education/claremont-mckenna-college-says-it-exaggerated-sat-figures.html?_r=1&hp

 

 

The Day Before

Leaving tomorrow.

Last-minute crises that have put a damper on our final day of pre-college parenthood:

- GC's GF couldn't find her car keys. The whole household got involved (including the 30 kids who stopped over to say farewell). Retracing stops, we suspected the keys were in the pocket of GC's new sweatshorts, which were safely packed in one of six bags. Miraculously, they keys were located. But what other important item could be stashed away somewhere in another pocket?

- GC discovered an urgent email from his college letting him know that he is prohibited from checking into his dorm because his immunization records were not signed properly. Not an easy errand for GC on a Friday afternoon, just as the doctor's office was closing.

- Despite all the kind things I have said about Southwest Airlines, they won't upgrade our boarding position (B24), so there is a chance we will have to sit in middle seats tomorrow on our epic journey. (In my booking frenzy, I apparently forgot to sign up for early bird check in.)

- Am I a terrible mom if I haven't pre-washed the sheets? They seem so soft and sateeny. Can they really be full of toxic chemicals?

The Day Before

Leaving tomorrow. 

Last-minute crises that have put a damper on our last day of pre-college parenthood:

- GC's GF couldn't find her car keys. The whole household got involved (including the 30 kids who stopped over to say farewell. Retracing stops, we suspected they were in the pocket GC's new sweatshorts, which were packed in one of six bags. Miraculously, they keys were located. But what other important item could be stashed away somewhere in another pocket?

- GC discovered an urgent email from his college letting him know that he cannot check into his dorm because his immunization records had arrived, but were not signed properly. Not an easy errand on a Friday afternoon, just as the doctor's office was closing.

- GC contracted a sore throat, then had a adverse reaction to an antibiotic that Mr. NP (a musician, not a physician) decided to give him so I wouldn't find out that he was getting sick. After finally reaching the doctor, the pharmacist said the replacement antibiotic could cause hives or shortness of breath.

- Despite all the kind things I have said about Southwest Airlines, they won't upgrade our boarding position, so there is a chance we will have to sit in middle seats tomorrow on our epic journey. (I apparently forgot to sign up for early bird check in.) 

- Am I a terrible mom if I don't pre-wash the sheets? They seem so soft and sateeny in their posh plastic holder. Can they really be full of toxic chemicals?

 

Countdown to Empty Nesting

3.5 more days.  Can't think of anything funny to say.

College Essentials You Won't Find at Bed, Bath and Beyond

I posted this on the Huffington Post last week. Readers pointed out some must-brings that I left out. See the bottom of the list.

1. A decent mattress.
Forget the memory foam topper, feather bed and bed bug protector. Face it, no matter how many bedding enhancers you invest in, that saggy, smelly dorm cot will just never be comfortable. Instead, just spring for a brand new mattress, which will cost $89 compared to the $400+ needed to alter the yucky one in the dorm. But remember to get Twin XL. Even though kids manage to fit into normal-sized beds at home, the colleges have conspired with BB & B to scare you about the dire consequences of too-short sheets and force you to purchase all new bedding.

2. A pitch pipe
A capella competition is so fierce these days that your son or daughter will want to practice on the way to class.

3. Unlimited text plan
If your child has been sending 10,000 a day, he or she will now send 20,000. If you have a girl, you will be the lucky recipient. If you have a boy, look forward to one-word responses to your cheery questions, such as Yaaa.

4. Parking Permit
Much cheaper than a car. Can be bartered for free rides from all the students who have brought vehicles to campus but have nowhere to park.

5. Settlers of Catan
College students spend so much time playing this board game (a Germanic combination of Monopoly and Risk, but with sheep) that you will wish they would go back to playing video games.

6. "Find my iPhone" App
The most essential possession of them all. Just be sure that your kids know not to harrass the residents if the phone is located in a crack house.

7. Hot Pink Hair Dye
College students like to show their individuality, by going for the ombre-all-over/look... like everybody else.

8. Fake ID
Although highly fraudulent, it's at the top of most students' checklist, even above the shower caddy.

9. This phone number
To deal with the consequences of #8, the phone number of a local attorney.

10. A subscription to the Wall Street Journal
So students can keep track of all their high school friends who have dropped out of college after receiving seed money from angel investors.

Additions from HuffPo readers:

1. A dress up box - "Have two sons in college and
they always seem to be going to themed parties, so the
equivalent of the dress up box from nursery school would have
been a good thing to take." 

How could I have forgotten this? One of CJ's first purchases was a Sponge Bob costume.

2. Rackraisers (for the daring) - "They appear to be out of stock everyplace I googled, but they raise the beds up to 25" off the ground"

3. A fan's son- "Mosquito repellent if your child is heading east (it was a warm winter there). And as part of my new campaign to make the kid pay for more of his own stuff, I'm renting him out (only on weekends) to sleep in your son or daughter's room -- he's a bit messy, but I can guarantee that his mosquito magnetism is so severe, that the annoying pests will never bite your child because they'll be so happy biting mine."

4. Insurance -  "My son dropped his new MacPro off his loft bed in December, as he was packing to come home for break."

Hmm...Maybe the Rackraiser comes with insurance.