Here is a powerful, non-denominational prayer to be recited while opening emails, logging on to online portals, or dealing with with snail mail announcing Early Decision news. It will also be effective for Early Action (EA) and Single Choice Early Action (SCEA) decisions.
If you applied to Columbia or Dartmouth, I apologize that this was not posted in time. But chances are you're also waiting to hear from the University of Chicago, and it is not too late to utilize it for that fine school.
The prayer was designed for laptop, desktop and mobile device users, but also works for Wesleyan and GW's old-fashioned snail mail. It may be recited aloud at home or silently in the subway, on the squash court, or while working with orphans in Ethiopia:
As I confront the most lifechanging email/online portal/envelope I will ever encounter, I beseech the Almighty Early One to look over me and protect me from posting something braggy, smug or nasty on Facebook. If accepted, grant me the strength to immediately compose a gushing thank you note and to send it along with a Neiman Marcus gift certificate to my History teacher, who exaggerated my brilliance in her recommendation and made me sound like a freaking genius for winning a debate about GMOs. If waitlisted, give me the focus to complete the 26 other apps with supplements I haven't yet downloaded. And, O Early One, if denied, consider giving me a White Lie Waiver, allowing me to tell people that "I decided at the last minute to only apply Regular, and besides, I really want to take a gap year anyway so I may continue my groundbreaking research with sea turtles."